Thoughts – pale blue fragments

Mama Bird & Baby

Posted on 25 Jul 20229 Oct 2023 by palebluefragment

I walked by two baby birds, one of them was clumsy and he couldn’t grab his food as easily as the other bird. I found the clumsiness of the baby bird funny. As I kept walking, I saw the clumsy bird’s mom. I jokingly told her about her baby’s clumsiness and laughed. She got angry and let out a hissing sound showing her sharp teeth, which I’ve never seen a bird show before. I thought that she didn’t understand my joke so I repeated it, but she hissed even harder. I then realized that my joke was not funny at all! Mama Bird didn’t like someone making fun of her baby. She also looked visibly distressed and sad. I don’t understand Bird language, and so it was hard for me to know what was going on in her mind.

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Thoughts

Edward Scissorhands

Posted on 31 Oct 202118 Jun 2023 by palebluefragment

I saw Edward Scissorhands across the room and he was beautiful. I went up to take a film photo with him and we started talking. He told me that his favorite day of the year was his birthday and that he always takes a day off for his birthday, that his favorite season is Winter, that he doesn’t have a favorite color, and that he was born on October 19th. He told me that he hated New year’s Eve and thought it was overrated. He said that people just party and drink as if it’s special. I told him how I celebrate New Year’s Eve outside, ice skating and watching fireworks. “That’s nice”, he said. He told me that he worked online for a company abroad and that he’s quitting to take a two-month break. He said he was tired. I put my nail polish between his Scissohand fingers and started painting my nails while he sat and looked at me. He told me that I looked beautiful and I thought he looked even more beautiful but I didn’t get the courage to say it.

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Uncategorized

Pain of loss

Posted on 22 Sep 20209 Oct 2023 by palebluefragment

Emotional pain is a feeling that most of us experience at some point in our lives for various reasons. I think the worst emotional suffering any human can go through is the pain of loss. Whether it is losing someone we once cared for, losing a family member, losing a friend who occupied a big part of our lives, or most relevant to our digital present, losing a routine that revolved around tangible interactions, asserting the fact that we do exist as physical beings, not mechanical fingers typing on a keyboard. It’s the loss of a feeling of belonging to something that made us once feel like our existence mattered in this world, like we are noticed and valued, and like we can use our voices and expressions to communicate with others -an affirmation that we’re more than just numbers and codes and Instagram posts.

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Stories

Beauty

Posted on 30 Nov 201922 Oct 2023 by palebluefragment

At 9:45 am her phone alarm rings. Beauty looks at me with sleepy eyes and whispers, “morning.” I don’t reply, but I smile and touch her face. It feels soft and pretty. Beauty’s hair is still wet from last night’s beauty shower, where she bathed in orange zest, cinnamon, and moonlight. Beauty washes her face with spring water and gentle breeze. She then moisturizes with La Mer tears-infused balm. She makes a teapot of sunflowers and daisies, waits until it’s lukewarm, chugs her teacup it in one shot and pours me one. “I don’t drink” I say. “It makes butterflies grow inside of my stomach”, she says.

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Past

A fragment that failed its’ purpose

Posted on 8 Nov 201922 Oct 2023 by palebluefragment

This piece of metal (image removed) is fragment of a massive explosion that landed on my room’s balcony in 2013. I was laying on my bed next to a wall-sized glass door. I always sat there and let my body get soaked in the subtle sunlight, as I watched the clouds moving in the sky in a swaying rythme. I would lay on my back and imagine as if gravity is reversed and the blue sky is my ground; a thought I was often amused by. I felt so lucky being able to watch the sky from my own bed and more clearly and vividly, from my balcony. The sky might’ve been at some point the most exciting thing in that lifeless town I called Home.

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Thoughts

Disconnected

Posted on 11 Apr 201916 Dec 2022 by palebluefragment

Speaking last. Speaking least. Speaking loud. Words won’t come out. Saying too much. Writing more. Writing less. Wanting perfection that doesn’t exist. Is she my friend? Looking above. Clouds touching. Clouds dissipating into clear blue sky. Wanting perfection. Seeking perfection. Unattainable. I won’t be happy. I am happy. Sink within myself. Reject tenderly. Accept the average.

Past

Fragment told by a seventeen year-old

Posted on 24 Mar 20192 Mar 2021 by palebluefragment

I guess I didn’t think about potential. It didn’t occur to me that I’d have a purpose in life. Sure, I’ll go to school and graduate then have a job then die, either alone or in a horrific war situation. At one point my fear of not having one true passion scared me to death. I’m not sure.. maybe having a hobby gave me a purpose in life. I wanted to know that I did the best I could do at a given moment regardless of who I was surrounded by or whether I was surrounded by anyone at all.

Thoughts

Defying anguish

Posted on 22 Jan 201922 Oct 2023 by palebluefragment

Life is full of tragedies. If you don’t see this then you don’t see the world as it truly is. I think being positive can help us rationalize things that are otherwise perceived as nonsensical and make us otherwise feel like we’re victims of the circumstances. While this particular thought is not entirely wrong as many people are living a reality that forces them to be victims of their circumstances. However, thinking of ourselves as helpless victims as a general way of explaining bad occurrences not only forces us to surrender to obstacles presented our way but also deprives us from the capacity of having power over our destiny. This leads to being ultimately unable to process grief in a healthy way.

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Thoughts

Academic uncertainties

Posted on 8 Dec 201822 Oct 2023 by palebluefragment

Sometimes my anxiety feels light and manageable, other times it feels like a more serious troubling issue. I’m not ashamed or worried to talk about it. People take the difficulties you project in a conversation lightly as long as you look and function like a normal person. Maybe developing anxiety is an outcome of being a university student. You need to sacrifice part of yourself to gain something. I’m not selfish. I don’t think there’s a lesson to learn here. Maybe we’re all living different versions of the same battle, or whatever you want to call it. I’ve been choosing to dissociate my thoughts from my feelings. This mechanism helps me to somehow deal with daily tasks that require a high level of focus.

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Thoughts

Birthday

Posted on 2 Oct 201822 Oct 2023 by palebluefragment

1- Went with friend X to Juliette & Chocolat, had delicious desserts and iced coffee. Friend X brought me a lovely gift.

2- Bought Matcha Latte from Starbucks. The employee asked for my name, for which I replied “happy birthday”.

3- Took a walk in the freezing cold while taking photos with my camera of sceneries that made me feel something.

4- Found a hidden geocache tied to a branch with a ribbon. Thought I was going to discover a valuable treasure for a hot minute. The geocache had a note that lead me to a wordpress page. No treasure was found.

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