On May the 7th, at 4 pm and after a long debate, my brother and I decided to turn our phones off, swap them, and hide them until the next morning. This meant that I had eight hours to kill. The first hour was the hardest. I was thinking about checking my online order, writing a blog, and aimlessly scrolling through Instagram. The hour after, I made myself a cup of tea and searched around the room looking for something productive to do. I found a magazine laying on my desk. It’s been there for months. I got two issues because I was intrigued by the title and the cover and also impressed by the dark mediocre-quality papers. You can tell they’re recycled. I opened it to realize it’s a collection of short stories, poems, and photographs. I read the first three stories. I thought to myself “I wish I had read English books earlier in my life”. “How will I ever be a good writer?” “I must read more often”. “My vocabulary range is so limited”. Then I reminded myself that I should never use yesterday as an excuse. I tidied my room. It’s so satisfying to make my material possessions lesser and lesser every day. Except for clothes, I always need clothes. I talked to my mother about my room in our hometown and what I want to pack from it when I’m able to travel back. “I hope a mortar doesn’t catch it before I do” I said. I sat on the balcony, ate a big bowl of ice cream. I couldn’t listen to music without my phone so I hummed the lyrics. I wrote a list of my dreams and all the things I want to achieve. I folded the paper two times then teared it into pieces. Made sure it was impossible to be assembled by anyone again. No one should ever know my late evening thoughts. I took a shower. I felt light as spring and I felt soft. I fell asleep around midnight and I had wonderful dreams. I kept closing my eyes in the morning trying to get myself back to sleep, to save as much dreams in my memory as I can. I woke up around nine, got my phone back, turned it on. I put it on the desk and sat in my bed for a while. It was calm and my head was clear. I picked my phone up, checked my online order, wrote a blog, and aimlessly scrolled through Instagram.
pale blue fragments 