Tag: feelings

Posted in Stories

Mama Bird & Baby

Posted on by palebluefragment

I walked by two baby birds, one of them was clumsy and he couldn’t grab his food as easily as the other bird. I found the clumsiness of the baby bird funny. As I kept walking, I saw the clumsy bird’s mom. I jokingly told her about her baby’s clumsiness and laughed. She got angry and let out a hissing sound showing her sharp teeth, which I’ve never seen a bird show before. I thought that she didn’t understand my joke so I repeated it, but she hissed even harder. I then realized that my joke was not funny at all! Mama Bird didn’t like someone making fun of her baby. She also looked visibly distressed and sad. I don’t understand Bird language, and so it was hard for me to know what was going on in her mind.

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Posted in Thoughts

Edward Scissorhands

Posted on by palebluefragment

I saw Edward Scissorhands across the room and he was beautiful. I went up to take a film photo with him and we started talking. He told me that his favorite day of the year was his birthday and that he always takes a day off for his birthday, that his favorite season is Winter, that he doesn’t have a favorite color, and that he was born on October 19th. He told me that he hated New year’s Eve and thought it was overrated. He said that people just party and drink as if it’s special. I told him how I celebrate New Year’s Eve outside, ice skating and watching fireworks. “That’s nice”, he said. He told me that he worked online for a company abroad and that he’s quitting to take a two-month break. He said he was tired. I put my nail polish between his Scissohand fingers and started painting my nails while he sat and looked at me. He told me that I looked beautiful and I thought he looked even more beautiful but I didn’t get the courage to say it.

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Posted in Stories

Beauty

Posted on by palebluefragment

At 9:45 am her phone alarm rings. Beauty looks at me with sleepy eyes and whispers, “morning.” I don’t reply, but I smile and touch her face. It feels soft and pretty. Beauty’s hair is still wet from last night’s beauty shower, where she bathed in orange zest, cinnamon, and moonlight. Beauty washes her face with spring water and gentle breeze. She then moisturizes with La Mer tears-infused balm. She makes a teapot of sunflowers and daisies, waits until it’s lukewarm, chugs her teacup it in one shot and pours me one. “I don’t drink” I say. “It makes butterflies grow inside of my stomach”, she says.

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Posted in Past

A fragment that failed its’ purpose

Posted on by palebluefragment

This piece of metal (image removed) is fragment of a massive explosion that landed on my room’s balcony in 2013. I was laying on my bed next to a wall-sized glass door. I always sat there and let my body get soaked in the subtle sunlight, as I watched the clouds moving in the sky in a swaying rythme. I would lay on my back and imagine as if gravity is reversed and the blue sky is my ground; a thought I was often amused by. I felt so lucky being able to watch the sky from my own bed and more clearly and vividly, from my balcony. The sky might’ve been at some point the most exciting thing in that lifeless town I called Home.

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Posted in Thoughts

Disconnected

Posted on by palebluefragment

Speaking last. Speaking least. Speaking loud. Words won’t come out. Saying too much. Writing more. Writing less. Wanting perfection that doesn’t exist. Is she my friend? Looking above. Clouds touching. Clouds dissipating into clear blue sky. Wanting perfection. Seeking perfection. Unattainable. I won’t be happy. I am happy. Sink within myself. Reject tenderly. Accept the average.

Posted in Past

Fragment told by a seventeen year-old

Posted on by palebluefragment

I guess I didn’t think about potential. It didn’t occur to me that I’d have a purpose in life. Sure, I’ll go to school and graduate then have a job then die, either alone or in a horrific war situation. At one point my fear of not having one true passion scared me to death. I’m not sure.. maybe having a hobby gave me a purpose in life. I wanted to know that I did the best I could do at a given moment regardless of who I was surrounded by or whether I was surrounded by anyone at all.

Posted in Thoughts

Defying anguish

Posted on by palebluefragment

Life is full of tragedies. If you don’t see this then you don’t see the world as it truly is. I think being positive can help us rationalize things that are otherwise perceived as nonsensical and make us otherwise feel like we’re victims of the circumstances. While this particular thought is not entirely wrong as many people are living a reality that forces them to be victims of their circumstances. However, thinking of ourselves as helpless victims as a general way of explaining bad occurrences not only forces us to surrender to obstacles presented our way but also deprives us from the capacity of having power over our destiny. This leads to being ultimately unable to process grief in a healthy way.

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Posted in Thoughts

Academic uncertainties

Posted on by palebluefragment

Sometimes my anxiety feels light and manageable, other times it feels like a more serious troubling issue. I’m not ashamed or worried to talk about it. People take the difficulties you project in a conversation lightly as long as you look and function like a normal person. Maybe developing anxiety is an outcome of being a university student. You need to sacrifice part of yourself to gain something. I’m not selfish. I don’t think there’s a lesson to learn here. Maybe we’re all living different versions of the same battle, or whatever you want to call it. I’ve been choosing to dissociate my thoughts from my feelings. This mechanism helps me to somehow deal with daily tasks that require a high level of focus.

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Posted in Stories

Ketchup Festival

Posted on by palebluefragment

September 5th 2018

I was sitting in the metro with a childhood friend from school and we were discussing the book Mad Shadows by Marie-Claire. I looked to the seat in front of me and saw that my French professor was sitting next to Vincent Van Gogh. I was not surprised because I thought that Vincent was just one of us. My teacher offered to gift me the original book that we were discussing earlier but I refused. I rented books and didn’t like accumulating them. Then I started noticing that Vincent’s ears were perfectly normal and he started looking more angel-like, as if he was taken right out a painting. The metro stopped in the middle of nowhere, doors wide opened and there were trampolines everywhere. Everyone was screaming “ketchup” so I told my friend, teacher, and Vincent not to worry cause it’s the Ketchup festival! We stepped outside of the metro where everyone seemed exceptionally happy! They looked loud but it sounded silent, as if someone put the volume on “mute”. A beautiful man with a nose piercing told me that he loved me and I told him that he’s an asshole because I knew him. I accepted his words anyway. Then we all went to a theatre that had round tables instead of theatre seats. We sat down and ate tuna with lemons.

Posted in Thoughts

Prelab

Posted on by palebluefragment

Objective: correct release of unwanted sensations.

Introduction: Showing negative emotions is not cool. Tears are for the pathetic. Sadness must be locked in and hidden three layers under skin: enthusiasm, neutrality, and anguish.

Procedure:

When in solitude, follow the subsequent steps accordingly:

1- slowly peel layers one and two.

Layer one: cool positive outlook on life with an adequate level of mind clarity. Highly socially approved!

Layer two: cool neutral state. A resting bitch face is satisfactory. Mediocre social approval.

Layer three: uncool but true-to-self anguish. Dangerous and leads to social errors. Must remain fully intact for the purpose of this step.

2- activate natural body signals to control the use of layer three. Trust your gut feelings for optimal efficiency.

You’ll observe anguish gushing into tears: A clear soul-cleansing salty liquid. Mmm tastes anguishy!

Don’t calculate the percentage of error. Tear percentage will vary from experiment to another.

3- steadily get out of solitude, rearranging layers one to three. One laying on the surface, three deep underneath. Two in-between. One and two can alternate in case of emergency. Beware of maintaining third layer’s invisibility.

Hazards: tears can lead to a coughing response to clear throat from accumulated phlegm.

Don’t choke on your own tears. Breathe slowly.

References:

“Chemistry of the Uncool Feelings” lab manual, twenty first edition