Beauty From Pain

I didn’t choose to be me

I didn’t choose having lived a life that numbed me

I didn’t choose to grow up in a fucked up society

absorbing toxic ideals that made me hate religions and traditions

and consider them the source of all evil things

I didn’t choose to let it shape my personality

so viciously

I didn’t choose to be me

feeling so intensely

putting my heart out and feeling empty

over and over

scared of the future

scared of my past scared of myself

I wanted a simple life

a life with no worry

a life where I love and be loved

but how can I be loved if I can’t even introduce myself without wearing my heart out on my sleeve

always been the happy girl the bubbly girl who’s positivity shines through

had I forgotten to be me?

how can I be me?

when I refuse to identify with this malicious part

that’s been unwillingly planted in me

how can I be me?

when I’ve been living in denial for years

and I’d live in denial for years to come

only if it was easy

only if I could sleep and let the sunrise cleanse my soul

let me be

a simple selfless care-free me

living her life without limits

so endlessly

this is who I wanna be

the person who’s emerging from scratch

not the one I buried

hoping one day it’ll turn into ash and dust

but the one who gleams when she speaks and acts and loves…

herself before anyone else

let me be

the one who works hard to inspire

the ones who never stops following her dreams

knowing that it is not too late to learn new things

the one who leads her life in confidence

and never backs down weighed by doubts and fears

the one who believes that it is possible

to grow beauty out of pain